Electronic Music Producer Skream Vows To Give Up Eating Sandwiches

At a recent delicatessen convention electronic music producer, Skream, – of pioneering dubstep duo Skream and Benga – made the shock announcement that he’s to give up eating sandwiches.

‘It’s the last sandwich I’ll be eating until further notice. Sandwiches are just a name now. They don’t have any meaning and the movement is over,’ he said whilst throwing a half eaten chicken fillet baguette to a waiting crowd.

Wiping mustard from the corner of his mouth he continued, ‘I’ve been eating and making sandwiches since I was 14 but there’s no way I’m going to be dictated to. I stopped because I’m not inspired by sandwiches anymore.’

‘My love of sandwiches started with ham and cheese. I remember the first time I tried my hand at making my own sandwich. I was at it for hours and it tasted terrible but that buzz of making a sandwich had me hooked. I like to think I’ve been true to that first rush of sandwich inspiration in every one that I’ve made since then.’

‘My Mum has been a massive influence on my love of sandwiches. I remember tenderly opening the tinfoil my lunch would be wrapped in and shaking with excitement. I’d be thinking to myself “what has Mum made today, is it tuna? Is it cheese?” That rush…that buzz, from sandwiches, is just…gone,’ grumbled a visibly dejected Skream.

‘I think when Subway Sandwiches became big in America it took sandwiches out of the underground delis and greasy spoons where it first started and that happening kind of marked the beginning of the end for me.’

‘The sandwich scene is just massively commercial now and choked with crazy sub-genres. Like feta cheese and cress, what’s that about? Would you eat that? I wouldn’t.’