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April 1, 2016
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Es Paradis To House 1000 Refugees In Attempt To Appear Busy

Following another down year for San Antonio stalwart Es Paradis, club owners have agreed to house one thousand Syrian refugees through the twenty-sixteen summer season in an attempt to populate the club.

The announcement has so far been met with mixed reaction from the San An faithful. Julie, a British expat & San Antonio resident told us, “It’s sad, in the past few years the club have a built up a really nice ambience, it’s a great place to drink when you just want a quiet night away from the crowds, now I may be forced to consider Eden.”

One early casualty of the move was Fiesta Del Agua, a biweekly water party popular among Celtic and Rangers fans. Explaining their decision to axe the flagship night, an Es Paradis spokesperson told press, “A lot of these people have endured traumatic journeys getting here, crossing large bodies of water with many losing family members in the process. As a club we don’t want to put them through that again, especially not twice a week”, the club also cited unsustainable utility bills.

There is now a growing fear shared by workers and business owners alike, that the influx of migrants could have a damaging effect on the local economy; posting in the Viva Ibiza Facebook Group, Dean, a veteran of two seasons said, “the job market is tough enough as it is, between wristbanding and selling smarties I could barely afford ‘carton of Sangria at ‘end of month, with these lot all crammed in together they’ll drive wages down further and we’ll be the ones without work, its a f**king joke.”

Awa N’Diaye, spokesperson for the LLLU (The Looky-Looky Labor Union) has called for local government to block the move, stating, “further saturation of the Rayberry market could prove an insurmountable obstacle for the flourishing Looky-Looky community and would bring about a sharp decline in our numbers.”

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