The street price of E’s is set soar to approximately £60 each if this week’s Brexit campaign succeeds, according to one local drug dealer.
Mark Hamilton, who took up dealing to support himself while studying for his economics degree, claimed that increased imports prices and stricter border controls will cause drug prices to rocket if the motion to leave the EU is passed.
Hamilton spoke exclusively to Wunderground earlier, “To be honest with you, I don’t know if leaving the EU will have any effect on the price of drugs, but, what I do know is, I’ll be telling all of my customers that it will and, if we happen to vote for the Brexit, I’ll be making a few extra quid over the next couple of weeks. In times like these you have to plan for the future.”
“Most people around here don’t really care whether Britain is in the EU or not, all they care about is how many pounds they have in their pockets on a Friday afternoon and having someone with different colour skin to their own to blame on their problems,” explained Hamilton. “I tend to think more about the bigger picture, the country’s status and the social and economic ramifications of cutting ties with Europe and I’m actually quite worried about what it will mean to me, as a drug dealer, if we leave.”
“So, by scaring people into thinking they’ll either have to pay extortionate money for drugs or face the grim reality of a mundane life in a country being run by the Torys without drugs to soften the blow, I feel like I’m doing my part for the stay campaign,” continued the dealer. “And, as a little bonus, I’ve already sold a month’s worth of gear this week because people are falling over themselves to get stuff at the pre-Brexit price. Think I’ll book a little trip to Ibiza at the end of the month to celebrate.”
In related news, Britain’s foremost scaremonger, Boris Johnson, has promised the public that he will learn how to dress himself and brush his hair properly if they chose to leave the EU in tomorrow’s referendum.
