Everyone Who’s Never Been To Fabric Really Excited It’s Reopening


An entire generation of people who have never stepped one foot inside London’s infamous Fabric nightclub have spoke of their “delight and excitement” at the prospect of the club reopening.

News that Fabric, closed down by Islington Council earlier this year, would reopen broke early yesterday morning, sending social media sites, such as Facebook and Twitter, into overdrive.

“It’s great news, I’m really excited that the club’s opening again,” claimed twenty five year old Martin Squire, from Sheffield. “I’ve never been and I doubt I’m ever going to go, because it’s all the way down in that London and they don’t really take too kindly to us Northerners down there, I’d probably get raped or stabbed if I went, but I really got on board with the whole ‘save Fabric’ thing and it’s nice to feel part of something again. You know? After Brexit and all that.”

According to Wunderground sources, Fabric’s reopening party is likely to break all sorts of clubbing records, with up to fifteen million people already declaring their interest in the event on Facebook.

“I’d definitely click attending on that,” claimed thirteen year old Barry Donnelly. “I wouldn’t be able to go because I’m too young but some of the birds in school might see that I’ve clicked attending and think I’m really cool, I reckon that would probably get me some outside the jumper tit, at least.”

However, it seems that not everyone jumping on the Fabric bandwagon is as clued into what they’re talking about, “I’m so happy that Fabrics is finally reopening,” claimed twenty one year old Tory voter Camilla Jenkinson. “I actually didn’t even know it had closed but we wouldn’t have any clothes if it wasn’t for all of the different Fabrics. I’m going to be buying my Christmas garms pretty soon so it’s great to know that there won’t be any hassle when it comes to shopping.”

Reports indicate that Gaz, from Geordie Shore, has also claimed that the news of Fabric’s reopening is “propa belta” and that he is now waiting to be asked to make a celebrity appearance at the club, experts are predicting he’s in for a “propa long wait”.

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Everyone Who’s Never Been To Fabric Really Excited It’s Reopening

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