An American man who spent almost two and a half thousand dollars on the latest music production laptop has admitted that he has mostly been using it to watch porn.
Bret Jerkovski made the purchase in January of this year and has so far failed to produce any music, or even install any music production software.
Jerkovski, currently unemployed, spoke to Wunderground, “This laptop is pretty much as state of the art as you can get when it comes to music production. It’s got the perfect specs to be producing fully mastered tracks.”
“I got a really good deal on it too because I bought it in the new year’s sales just after Christmas,” continued Jerkovski, dressed in a stained dressing gown and slippers. “I’ve been producing since I was a teenager so when I was made redundant by my job, with a pretty sweet severance package, I decided to invest my money on the laptop and really give the music thing a go.”
“So far it hasn’t been going great, I think I’m suffering from some sort of creative block,” claimed the would be producer. “I’ve tried all sorts of things to give myself some inspiration but all roads just seem to lead to porn when you sitting around with a laptop and nothing to do. I’d say I’m putting a good eight or nine hours a day into porn. If I can somehow manage to channel that into my music I’ll be producing hits in no time.”
“It’s been nearly six months now so, as I’m sure you can imagine, I’ve delved pretty dark and deep into the world of online porn,” admitted Jerkovski with a hint of shame. “This time last year I wouldn’t have even know that Japanese spaghetti porn or Bulgarian clit wrestling were things, and now I can’t get enough of them, so even though I haven’t been making music, it hasn’t been a complete waste of money because it has opened my eyes to all sorts of wonderful cultures from around the world.”
According to friend’s of Jerkovski, the producer eventually managed to make the intro to a track after stumbling across a rare Benny Benassi music video at the tail end of a fifteen hour porn binge.
