Facebook, for the first time ever, has introduced an app that people actually need as it today announced the launch of a feature that will allow users to remove unwanted Ice Bucket Challenge videos from their timelines if they, like everyone in existence, are sick to the back teeth of having to look at privileged dicks pour ice water over themselves for a purported charity.
The attention seeking behaviour can now be utterly removed from your timeline simply by hovering the cursor over the offending video and selecting the “I don’t want to see this misplaced attempt at charity being subsumed under attention-seeking dickbaggery”.
“Ice Bucket Challenge videos now make up 70% of the posts on Facebook,” explained Facebook spokesperson Sandra Wong. “And while that’s great for people who like attention seeking charity fads, it’s not great for people who use Facebook for its other purposes – creeping, creeping and creeping.”
Sandra claims that in the last two weeks Facebook has received a vast number of complaints from people who claimed that the Ice Bucket Challenge was hijacking their online experience.
“You couldn’t turn on Facebook without seeing some other moron pouring water over themselves,” claimed one disappointed Facebook user. “Kids as young as zero and grandparents as old as 80 were taking part – how are you supposed to wank to pictures of people from college with all that going on?”
“A lot of the men who mailed us claimed that they initially thought the Ice Bucket Challenge would be like a wet t-shirt contest but for people whose muscles are slowing wasting but the only people who in any way showed off their chests were brawny dudes – like Calvin Harris, Cristiano Ronaldo and everyone of your mates who goes to the gym,” she continued. “They wanted to be wankers, instead they got wankers.”
Sandra concluded by explaining that the app will run until the Ice Bucket Challenge runs out of steam but that the algorithm itself will be embedded into the site for the next time “one of these ridiculous fads over takes every fabric of society”.
