A social media user was said to be “exhausted, confused and angry” after accidentally leaving a written comment on an article posted on her Newsfeed while enjoying a night out with friends in her local clubnight.
Facebook addict, Stacey Dimlow, was in the process of posting endless selflies and group shots when the incident occurred. After lying down in a darkened room, we managed to interview Stacey about her almost fatal error.
“I’ve been an avid Facebook user for a couple of years,” explained Stacey, a credit to her gender, “it’s a really great way to see who got fat after school. Me and my friends are always having our photo taken in some shit bar standing in a line with our hands on our hips and our arses out. I love to post them all on social media the next day even though they all look exactly the same.”
“Apart from the ones where we are doing shots like giddy teenagers,” she added.
“Some of us tilt our head back slightly, some pout, some even do heart hands. We’re a diverse bunch and we look fucking awesome,” she enthused. “It really is a great way to spend the evening and it shows all the fatties at school what amazing people we’ve become, even though most of us are unemployed or sponge off our drug dealing boyfriends. It’s a fabulous lifestyle with loads of free gear.”
“Anyway, I was putting up a 500 picture album from Tuesday night in Revolution Bar when I had this unfortunate mishap. Somebody posted a link on my wall and without a second thought for my own safety, I left a sentence long comment instead of just tagging someone’s name. I realised this was a massive error on my part when my hands started to get pins and needles and I began to feel faint.”
“I hadn’t left a comment for literally months, I just tagged someone else name and went about my business. Sometimes I’d tag four or five people’s names to really annoy the fuck out of them. Or if my mate was putting on some shitty event I might tag up to 50 people so I can get paying guest list. I thought my days of writing actual comments were over. I mean, what’s the point of reading and writing these days? Just take a selfie, post it, tag someone’s name in a link, then go back to stalking an ex boyfriend.”
Miss Dimlow’s friends have rallied around her during this obviously difficult time and promised to help her back onto her feet.
“I love my girls,” confided Stacey, “even though we mercilessly slag each other off when one of us isn’t there. I guess that’s why I just tag all my friend’s names in comments sections rather than write an actual comment. It keeps me ever present within my circle of friends, even when I’m not there. Hopefully this will ensure that I’m not the one who’s getting destroyed behind closed doors. Comments are for fat people. We are not fat.”
Since her accident, Stacey had endeavoured to never leave another worthless comment on Facebook and to start tagging even more friends into random posts.
“If I wanted to waste my time on Facebook actually writing and reading words then I would, but I’ve got better things to do with my time online,” she concluded. “I mean yes, I am on the site for up to 7 or 8 hours a day, but these photos aren’t going to upload themselves are they?
