A forty year old man has decided to quit his “pipe dream” of becoming a DJ in order to pursue a career as, one of the less desired roles in the music industry, an agent.
Louis Zerr, known to his mates a Lou, decided to give up on the “rat race” that is modern DJing to concentrate on “exploiting young talent and making a quick buck”.
“I’m not bitter I never made it as a DJ,” claimed Lou earlier. “I had some good times as a DJ, apart from my divorce, losing my kids and missing both my parents’ funerals, I’ve got nothing but good memories, mostly clouded due to the amount of ket I was doing but good all the same.”
Lou went on to inform us that he wishes to stay in the music industry because he’s been shit at everything else he has ever tried, “I’ve had loads of jobs over the years. Mostly just to subsidise the money I was making as a DJ, £50 a week doesn’t go very far, but I’ve been pretty much shit at everything that doesn’t involve tunes. I always said I’d never stoop so low as to become an agent but, fuck it, I’m sick and tired of DJing and I’ve got bills to pay. It’s time to sell my soul and I don’t even care.”
“The work’s easy,” confirmed Lou. “I bullshit promoters saying clients want to play their parties, they make an offer which I quadruple before taking my percentage, then I see how much needless bullshit I can add to the rider. Then I’ll insits on first class flights and five star hotels, which will probably either be missed or left empty all night while the DJ’s at an after party. Some people have more money then sense and some people have more money than morals. I know which one I want to be.”
“Some people say that agents are horrible, that they’re bankrupting local promoters and milk the scene for every penny they can,” continued Lou. “But fuck them people. It’s not my fault promoters are stupid and willing to hand over so much money. I blame the DJs, if they weren’t such fucking morons and able to organise themselves there’d be no need for agents, but thankfully they have a similar brain capacity to a 2p coin, which makes agents a necessity, and an expensive one at that.”
