New Father Who Claimed Raving Days Were Numbered Spotted In Fabric
A new father who claimed his raving days were numbered has recently been spotted in world famous nightspot Fabric.
On the birth of his first child, thirty four year old Kyle Beckett claimed to be “delighted my life finally has a purpose” and “determined to become a responsible role model” only to be found buzzing off of his tits less than two weeks later.
“Things didn’t quite go according to plan,” Kyle told us. “When my little angel Lucy was born I promised my wife Sarah that I was done with going out and getting messy. I admitted I needed to grow up as I’m not getting any younger. As a father I need to accept my life is now about changing nappies, making bottles and burping not booze, pills and raves, but the boys were going out for a quiet one and invited me along for a cheeky half.”
“What I failed to realise was that ‘cheeky half’ wasn’t half a pint, it was half a gram of coke,” continued Kyle. “Obviously one thing led to another and three grams and ten pints later, I found myself on the banter train, next stop Fabric. I ended up spending about four hundred quid getting on it and got home at six a.m.”
We asked Sarah what she made of Kyle’s night out, “The bloke is an irresponsible prick with no willpower. He only popped out to say hello to his mates and ended up spending his week’s wages on a night out. He has absolutely no trouble whatsoever saying no to me when I ask for help around the house, yet when his idiot mates suggest going on a mental one, he can’t say no. How are we ever going to raise this child correctly when her dad behaves like billy-big-bollocks every weekend?”
“This is it now, I am done with going out,” said Kyle. “Last week was a blip, but I’m more determined than ever to make sure I behave like a responsible parent rather than a teenager. To avoid any temptation I have deleted my Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and SnapChat, changed my phone number, changed my email address and asked every pub in a five mile radius to bar me.”