A self diagnosed festival addict is currently wallowing in self pity and wondering what the fuck he’s going to do for the next six months.
Michael Winston, who visited a mind blowing four festivals this summer, claims to be a ”free spirit” and “way to intune with the nature for a regular nine to five”.
“I’m not sure what I’m going to do now,” claimed a clearly worried Mr Windsor earlier on today. “I’m not cutout for the modern world at all. I would have been far better suited to olden times, you know, whatever era it was where they all sat around in fields eating magic mushrooms, that would have been the one for me.”
“There are some festivals on in the winter but most of them are foreign,” continued the dreadlocked Caucasian, who, unfortunately for him, is not the first white person to look good with dreadlocks. “Foreign festivals are, like, totally against the ethos of festivals, you need to have a job to afford them and you can’t jump over the fence of another country so I definitely won’t be going to any of them.”
“I think I might be a bit depressed to be honest with you,” claimed Winston. “I’ve hardly been able to get out of bed since Bestival, the only thing that gets me up in the morning is collecting my giro and meeting my weed dealer. That can’t be right, I’m a thirty eight year old man for fuck’s sake.”
According to friends of Mr Winston, things got a lot worse shortly after he spoke to Wunderground, with the thirty eight year old taking up residence, in a tent, on Hempstead Heath, claiming that being a homeless drug addict is as close as you can get to a festival during the winter.
