Financial experts around the world have today advised cost conscious clubbers around the world to “just get as pissed as you can before going to the club”.
“In the current economic climate it’s considered the best solution to having a good night out if you get pissed as a spanner before even leaving the gaff,” claimed chief financial advisor Ultan Blake, referring to an economic theory known as ‘pre-gaming’. “Getting on it, proper style with a bag of cans and even a cheeky bottle or two of spirits offsets the massive amounts of wasted cash that you’d spend in the club.”
Claiming that the clubs are making “enough fucking money as it is”, Mr. Blake assured dignitaries from parties around the world that they shouldn’t feel too bad about not giving them their money.
“Sure they’re rolling in it,” he was heard to say, “the €50 that you’d likely spend on watered down shots and bad pints would be much better spent buying booze in the offy before going out.”
Mr. Blake continued by saying that this approach to economics also allows the sessioners to keep some drink in reserve for when they arrive home from the party.
“You’d still have a rake load of drink left over for the after-party,” he added. “Which, as we all know, is usually the best part of the night, as there are also drugs present.”
Mr. Blake concluded by recommending that sessioners buy their narcotics in bulk from a reputable dealer rather than paying over the odds for them in the club itself.
“Pills would set you back a tenner for one in the club, whereas if you meet your dealer beforehand and get stocked up on fifty pills between you and your crew then you’d only be spending about a fiver each,” he concluded. “In the current economic climate that’s the smart decision.”
