Club Nightmares, a brand new show from Scotland’s foremost swearer, Gordon Ramsey, is set to have its first episode filmed in Ibiza’s Es Paradis nightclub.
Club Nightmares will follow the same format as Ramsay’s previous shows Kitchen Nightmares and Hotel Nightmares and will see the furrow browed Scotsman try to change the fortunes of some of the world’s most under performing nightclubs.
“I’m really fucking excited to get into Es Paradis and see what the fuck is going on in that piss smelling shit hole, you cunt,” said Ramsay during a chat with Wunderground earlier today. “I’m pretty fucking sure I’ll be able to turn that disgusting wank pit around, I’d bet my left fucking bollock on it.”
“I just hope none of the bastard managers in there cause me any ball ache, if there is any crap from the spunk guzzling fannies they can sling their bastard hook and fuck right off,” continued the foul mouthed Chef. “I don’t take fucking shit off anyone and I’m not about to start fucking doing it now, It’ll be my way or the fucking highway.”
“The first fucking thing I’m going to do is change the cuntish decor in the place, it’s like walking into a Roman fucking villa,” he ranted aggressively. “It’s the pissing twenty first century for fuck’s sake and the Roman’s were little faggot pricks so it’s about time we changed the whole fucking thing.”
“Then I’ll stop them playing all of that shite fucking music they play,” Claimed Ramsay. “Once I do that there’s no fucking reason why the club won’t started making some profits again.”
According to San Antonio resident Jimmy Torres, Ramsay is wasting his time with Es Paradis and would be more likely to get people dancing at a wheelchair convention than he is in Es Paradis.
