Just hours after Kanye West was reportedly hospitalised, a fly on the wall of a private UCLA Hospital room has apparently asked for a transfer.
Freddy “Fifty Eyes” Flapflap, the fly in question, refused to reveal whether or not he was sharing a room with Kanye but insisted that he “couldn’t be listening to that shit” while making his way to a new location.
“Everyone thinks a fly on the wall’s life is really exciting and interesting,” revealed Fifty Eyes during a brief chat with Wunderground earlier. “Well guess what? It isn’t, it’s dull and boring, just like everyone else’s life and that’s just how I like it, so, believe me, when you’re interrupted by some tool who just won’t shut the fuck up it’s a bit of inconvenience. A major fucking inconvenience.”
“I’m well used to flying around shit, it’s pretty much all I do apart from sitting on walls, but no fly should have to endure the levels of bullshit I’ve been through in the last twelve hours,” claimed the fly. “I’ve lived on cattle farms where there’s been less bullshit, if somebody lights a match around here the whole hospital is likely to explode with the amount of methane he’s producing in there.”
“I moved to a hospital to get away from that sort of thing, I’m an old fly and all I want to do now is chill out and find myself a woman and a bit of soft fruit to lay our eggs in,” continued Freddy. “There’s no way I’d bring a couple of hundred kids into a room with that asshole in it, I’d rather have my kids in Josef Fritzl’s basement than in there.”
Kanye’s wife, Kim Kardashian, was not available to comment on whether or not her husband has been admitted to hospital. Although, other members of the Kardashian family have confirmed that they are preparing for their “first enjoyable thanksgiving dinner in years”.
