Kieran ‘Four Tet’ Hebden has announced he will change his name to Five Tet with immediate effect as he believes he’s “grown as an artist”, “developed as a musician” and “should be getting much more money”.
The economically challenged DJ/producer has suggested to his label, Domino Records, that by increasing his name from Four Tet to Five Tet he will be legitimately able to request a 25% larger fee.
Through sniggers, his manager told us “He’s lost the plot. Since he made it into RA’s Top 20 DJs he’s been saying ‘the public love me – I’m worth more!’. Is he the last person to realise RA just write the Top 100 themselves based on what’ll makes them look cool?”
“At first,” continued the classically trained DJ “I thought I was paid depending on how long my breakdowns were, hence what I did on that Erick Prydz remix, but then I looked back at some old hip-hop records and saw Outkast’s Andre 3000 back when he was Andre 2000 – and that’s when I realised my new potential as a larger numbered, and therefore more expensive, booking”
“Obviously I know I’m a long way off making it anywhere near the 3000 mark,” admitted Hebden. “But with enough work and dedication I’m sure that some day I’ll be a Six Tet and, who knows, maybe even a Seven Tet.”
“We think he’s got a case and are supporting Five Tet’s decision,” claimed agent Wally Harris. “As his representatives we are helping him mature into a new role and supporting his musical freedom, us getting paid a bigger cut has nothing to do with our encouragement.”
Unconfirmed rumours suggest a number of other artists could be set to follow Four Tet’s actions by adding more numbers to their names. Brighton based duo Evil Nine are set to be the next to follow suit by renaming themselves Evil Nineteen.
