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August 6, 2013
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Friends’ Drunken Promises To Start Band Together “Not Fulfilled”

A pact between two friends to start writing music together which was made whilst under the influence of alcohol and cocaine has failed to materialise.

The two friends, David Woods and Kyle Brown, both made the promise to start “getting a band together” in the early hours of Saturday night after they had consumed a large amount of cocaine.

The two friends, who hadn’t seen each other in months, became emotional and ambitious after consuming the drug and began thinking “how fucking good [they’d] be” in a band despite being barely on speaking terms and lacking the most rudimentary of musical talent.

Speaking candidly about his thwarted ambition Kyle explained “I don’t know what I was talking about. I remember being really pumped about it at the time but it totally couldn’t happen. I have a job I’m barely hanging onto and a kid that I barely spend enough time with as it is.”

David continued, “For some reason it seemed really doable and attractive at the time but then when I woke up on Sunday I remembered I don’t even play an instrument. I once tried to sing at karaoke and my friends said that I was shit even by karaoke’s standards and sounded like a howling castrated Doberman. Except not as tuneful.”

“Next time I do coke I think I’ll just stick to making the usual empty promises to myself. Like quitting smoking or doing volunteer work.”

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