A young woman from Chelmsford, Essex, has been said to have inadvertently discovered the meaning of life while high on hallucinogenic drug acid – only to forget it a short time later.
Annie Moore was partying in a friend’s house on Friday night when she is reported to have discovered the meaning of life and, despite forgetting it shortly afterwards, believes it will have a big impact on her life.
“I’ve never really been a spiritual person or believed in any of those things they tell you when you’re young, like God, Jesus, Peter Pan or Santa Clause,” claimed Annie earlier today. “But this was a very spiritual moment for me. One minute my head was racing and then I had a moment of clarity and everything just seemed to click into place. I knew everything and it was all so simple.”
“Then I got distracted by the pattern on my friend Ashley’s curtains and after laughing at that for about half an hour I’d totally forgotten whatever it was that I’d just seen,” continued Annie, whose only previous claim to fame was giving Joey Essex a handjob in a bus shelter in 2009. “I think I might have met God and she looked a lot like Jordan.”
“Being an Essex girl I always thought the meaning of life was having a good tan, not being fat, sleeping with a lot of guys and eventually settling down and firing a few brats out of my fanny,” explained the twenty five year old beauty therapist, “but that’s not it at all, there’s a lot more to life than that, only I can’t remember what it is at the moment, I’ll be kicking myself when it finally comes back to me.”
“It’ll drive me insane if I don’t remember what it was soon,” revealed Ms. Moore. “I really want to let my family and friends know what the meaning of life is so I’ve bought loads of acid and I’m just going to keep taking it until I can remember it again.”
In related news, Church of England officials have moved quickly to deny claims that former page 3 boob-hawker Jordan is Christ reincarnate, stating that it is a “ridiculous claim” because if Jordan was God “she would have given herself big tits to begin with and wouldn’t have needed all that plastic surgery”.
