It has emerged that a girl who has been uploading photos of Kale and other superfoods to her Instagram account is secretly desperate for a KFC binge.
Twenty three year old Penny Cross, known amongst her friends as a “busy cunt” for continuously “preaching a load of shit” about the way people should live their lives, is believed to be on the verge of meltdown having begrudgingly limited her diet to healthy food.
“I always say you are what you eat,” announced Penny. “Healthy body, healthy mind. If you put good food into your system it will make the world of difference to your lifestyle and you’ll no doubt go on to be rich and successful. If you fill up on fat and sugary products, you will ultimately die alone in a box under somebody’s stairs. Did you know that Mother Teresa, the Dalai Lama, Jesus Christ and Richard Branson are all part of the Kale-Club? Do you know the sort of people who eat KFC? Rapists. That’s who.”
Wunderground asked if she had ever considered going to the dark side, “Not a chance in hell you’ll catch me in McDonalds or Burger King,” said an obviously lying Penny. ”KFC is the worst one of the lot though. That sneaky little Colonel is always smirking at me; goading me. Fuck you Sanders, I am stronger than you think. I ain’t tempted by your Wicked Zinger meal, twelve piece chicken bucket or your pound saver menu. I’m happy with my grains. Now get out of my head you horrible little chicken fiend.”