A girl who moaned “these pills are shit” has been found wide awake seventy two hours after taking them.
Twenty seven year old Sarah Dewberry from Essex, England, is believed to have taken two ecstasy tablets at a rave on Thursday night, but complained they had absolutely no effect on her, referring to them as “weak” and “fucking useless”.
“We had been drinking all evening and got to the club at about one in the morning,” Sarah told us. “Me and my friend were quite boozy so we agreed to take a pill each. After about half an hour nothing was happening, so we took another one each.”
“I was expecting to proper come up, you know? Get that nice warm, loving feeling, let the music take over and start chatting shit to complete randoms – but nothing like that happened at all, it was a complete waste of time,” continued Sarah.
“I tried to have fun but ended up staring at the DJ for hours pondering the fact that the drugs weren’t doing what they were supposed to. I told a few people about how the pills were shit and not what they used to be but nobody cared. Most people thought I was taking the piss. I was so consumed with moaning about these pills that I didn’t even realise nine hours had passed.”
“We stayed until the club closed, keeping an eye out for the dealer who sold us these dreadful pills to give him a mouthful, but couldn’t find him anywhere, so we went to an after party for a few more hours , then back to my flat,” said Sarah.
We asked Sarah’s friend Lucy what she thought of the pills, “They were banging,” said Lucy. “We paid £20 each and it was the best investment I have ever made. They were so strong I had to go straight onto water. We went down the front and danced for hours; I had the best night ever.”
“Sarah’s jaw was going like a gooden, her eyes were like spaceships and she was chewing this bloke’s ear off for ages. She was waffling on about how she’d felt like she’d known him for ages and they should add each other on Facebook and meetup the next weekend. She did mention to him that she wasn’t feeling anything off of those pills – and that was when he cracked up laughing, thinking she was joking. She was an absolute mess. I even kept an eye out for the drug-dealer who sold them to us as I wanted to buy a few more.”
Sarah was found alive and well in her flat this morning and had this to tell Wunderground, “Once I got home from the after party I watched all 10 episodes of Making a Murderer and decided I needed to set up a campaign group to get this innocent man out of prison because what had happened to him was wrong. I couldn’t help but empathise with his situation. Obviously I have never been to prison or been stitched up by the police, but I just felt a connection to that poor man because I bought those shit pills the other night and it’s kind of the same thing.”
“After a while I turned my attention to my ex-boyfriend. I sent him a dozen or so texts telling him I still love him, miss him and asking if he wanted to hook up, but he didn’t reply. After that, I made a bit of toast and had a cry to Animals Do the Funniest Things. Before I knew it, it was Sunday morning. I’m still not sure if those pills worked though.”