The city of Glasgow is still in mourning today after the sudden death of local man Michael Earls in the city’s infamous Sub-Club venue last Friday night. Michael, a snowman by trade, was enjoying a night out with friends when he tragically melted to death in the small basement club, on the outskirts of the dance floor. The club was immediately shut down and emergency cleaning crews were sent in to mop the mess up into bags as quickly as possible. The bags were then rushed to a nearby freezer but Michael was pronounced dead on arrival.
A friend remarked; “It was just so damn hot down there. He was sweating loads from the moment we arrived, the water was literally running off him. We just assumed he was really going for it and were delighted he was enjoying the music so much. Michael was normally fine on nights out, we would dance out in the smoking area during the winter, or hang around air conditioning vents down the back where he would just let loose and feel totally comfortable. Sure, we would occasionally take cheeky snowballs right out of the back of his head when he wasn’t looking and the girls were sometimes hanging tampons and other funny bits on his little twig arms, but it was all just harmless fun. We loved Michael to bits.”
The coroner has issued a statement this morning stating that Michael died due to “the clubs cramped, hot and sweaty conditions” which are described as “not ideal for snowmen.” He also stated that is was “an accident waiting to happen” and went on to say that “the fact that he was also wearing a hat and a scarf didn’t help”. A source close to the club has stated that Michael was spotted by security earlier that night inhaling carrots in a cubicle of the mens toilets, but it is not believed to have been a contributing factor in his death.
