Goldilocks has reportedly been left in a “catastrophic K-hole” after sniffing Baby, Mammy and Daddy Bear’s lines of ketamine.
It is not yet clear why Goldilocks was in the Bear’s house, although, rumours suggesting the young lady may have been involved in a break-in have been circulating on social media.
Wunderground spoke to Daddy Bear earlier, “I’m not really sure what’s gone on here,” he told us. “I was out in the woods, having a shit, with the wife and kid and when we got home there was this little blonde bird passed out on the floor and the lines of k I’d racked up before we went out were gone. It’s a fucking mystery mate.”
“Whatever the fuck she was doing in there she made a right fucking mess, all of the beds were unmade, my son’s chair was smashed to pieces and there was porridge everywhere,” revealed Mr Bear. “I wasn’t taking any risks anyway, as soon as I saw her I called the cops, it doesn’t look good you know, a little white girl, showing up drugged in a Bear’s house, they can deal with it now, I’m just glad she’s gone out of my gaff.”
According to reports, Goldilocks is what is known as a session moth, a girl who is attracted to the sesh and is willing to lower herself to as yet unknown depths to be a part of it.
“Breaking and entering is nothing to a session moth,” claimed Katie Price, Queen of the Session Moths. “She probably thought it was a handy way to get a few sniffs of wobble, what she wasn’t taking into account was that she was in a Bear’s house, being an extremely large mammal regular horse-ket is no use to them, they’re probably on the Dino-ket, she could be down that k hole for weeks before that stuff wears off. It’s proper mental.”
In other news, Snow White has been hospitalised after taking an “apple pill” that is believed to have contained some kind of poison, more on this as we get it.