Google have today confirmed that their next generation augmented reality eyewear, Google Glass, is guaranteed to be used for “some kind of weird sex thing” thanks to everyone being a pervert.
“We’re not entirely sure in what way people will use Google Glass but we feel that it is undeniable that it will be used for sex in some capacity,” confirmed Google spokesperson Andrew Bream who says that he himself wanked wearing the glasses while watching an entirely unsexy advert for fungal foot cream claiming “the moment just took [him]”.
People will most likely use the glass for a range of perverted sexual acts, reckons Andrew, who suspects that it won’t be long before everyone is walking around wearing a Google Glass containing a live stream of someone or something fucking someone or something.
“There’s all kinds of pornographic applications possible thanks to the innovative wanking capacity of the human spirit,” continued Andrew. “People will be watching regular porn, watching each other fucking each other, watching each other wanking each other, watching each other watching porn and fucking each other while wanking. It goes on like that.”
It is suggested that all human artistic expression and innovation is either motivated by a desire to get sex or by a desire to use that thing for sex.
“You think the guy who invented the wheel or the steam engine wasn’t thinking ‘I wonder how I can somehow wrangle some sex out of this?'” pondered Andrew, who claimed that he often balances his the importance of his activities based on whether they will lead to sex or not.
“From the earliest cave paintings to Renaissance art, from the earliest grubby photos to the current high definition,” concluded Andrew, “all of them have at one point or another had some dude or girl stand in front of them wanking furiously.”
“We hope, and fully expect, the Glass to continue that tradition,” he added.
