A grown man wearing Lynx deodorant has confirmed what everybody suspected about him, he is single and has been for a very long time.
Thirty eight year old Trevor Davis, from Surrey, England, is said to have “absolutely fucking covered” himself in Lynx Africa following a tough cardio session in his local gym, claiming it makes him smell like a “dream”.
“I haven’t had a bird for over five years now,” explained Trevor. “I wouldn’t mind meeting somebody, but I don’t always have time between work, gym and Xbox. I’m an independent, self-sufficient, twenty first century type of guy. I can cook for myself, ready made Chinese from Sainsbury’s is my specialty. I clean up after myself when my mum ain’t home, iron my own shirts and keep in shape by exercising once a week.”
“Obviously if I ever get a bit stuck, my mum gives me a helping hand with the cooking and ironing, while I sit in my room playing Call Of Duty on my Xbox. It was actually her who got me this deodorant. She got me both Africa and Java gift boxes for my birthday. Top gifts.”
Wunderground spoke with Danny Jones, Trevor’s colleague at the local builders merchants, who had this to say, “He is a diamond geezer, but fuck me he lives like a teenager,” laughed Danny. “His Xbox comes before anything and anyone and his reliance on his mum is shocking. As for the Lynx, he absolutely canes it every few hours when he works up a sweat, no matter where he is. It goes under his arms, up his bum hole, on his clothes, in his hair, the lot. I don’t know any bloke over the age of fourteen who uses Lynx. I’m sure it is why he is still single.”
“He is a walking stench most of the time,” continued Danny. “When you combine the humming smell of teenage boys with the fact he only knows how to microwave food, it makes him extremely unappealing to any lady his age. If we could just find a woman willing to accept those flaws, he honestly does have a heart of gold.”