A leading British gynecologist has confirmed that Calvin Harris is in fact a fanny.
Telulah Muff, head of research at the British Institute of Fannies and Flutes, or BIFF, made the shocking announcement after studying the Scottish DJ for a number of years.
“It’s amazing to see a fanny grow into such an accomplished and world renowned individual ,” claimed Ms Muff during an interview with Wunderground. “Even for me, a highly trained professional, it is extremely hard to tell that Calvin is actually a fanny. I’ve been studying his movement, odour and discharge for years now and I’ve only just come to the conclusion in the last two weeks.”
According to Ms Muff, Harris was once the fanny of an elderly Glasgow based socialite but became self aware and left his host sometime in 1984.
“Calvin has made a remarkable journey from pants to DJ booths, no other fanny, apart from maybe Paris Hilton’s, has ever received the kind of publicity he has,” continued the fanny doctor. “And his transformation continues at an amazing rate, just look at pictures of him when he first emerged in the music industry, he still looked like a bit of a fanny, he had bulbos vulva lips and little clit like eyes but those are nearly completely gone now and he almost looks like a regular man.”
“If he continues at this pace, the only thing that will make him recognisable as a fanny will be his constant fanny like behaviour.”
In related news, David Guetta is to undergo extensive cosmetic surgery to make him look less like a cock.
