A young binge drinker is today expected to blame his deserved hangover fully on the fact that he mixed his drinks between lager and whiskey.
“Look, it was definitely 100% caused by mixing the drinks,” admitted 26 year old unemployed brother of none, James Arnold. “What else could have caused it, I’m sure if I had one glass of beer followed by one glass of whiskey then I’d feel just as sick now as I do after drinking fifteen pints of lager and six whiskeys. It’s all about the mixing of the drinks, not the amount.”
“For some reason that no-one including science knows when you mix drinks the beer and whiskey combine in your stomach to give you a hangover,” he continued. “If you didn’t mix the drinks then you’d be totally fine and able to do loads of stuff the next day that you couldn’t with a hangover like maintain eye contact, hold your hand without shaking and not vomit.”
Continuing to blame his hangover on the spurious contention that it was “mixing drinks” and not “being an insatiable fucking alcoholic cretin” that caused his hangover James maintained the sheer amount of alcohol wasn’t responsible for what he somewhat hyperbolically described as “a nastier hangover than the one that killed Amy Winehouse”.
“Yeah it had to be the mixing cause I only had about fifteen pints,” continued James, lying to himself lest he admit he’s a mess. “So I would have totally been fine if I didn’t have those five whiskeys.”
“I suppose I probably overdone it ever so slightly,” concluded James in a moment of honest clarity. “I won’t be mixing my drinks again. Next time I’ll just stick to the beer and replace the alcohol I’m losing in whiskey with an extra eight pints or so. Then I’m sure I won’t get a hangover.”
