Heavy Bassline Seriously Injures Dubstep Fan
A dubstep fan has been seriously injured after a “heavy bassline” caused him to suffer bleeding and a suspected stroke at a dubstep rave in a disused warehouse in Bristol.
The man, named as 24 year old dubstep fan James Miller seen her before losing consciousness, was rushed to hospital after he began suffering a nosebleed before collapsing on the dance floor.
“A young man was brought in with a suspected overdose,” explained Dr. Jessica Chalmers of Bristol Royal Infirmary where Mr. Miller was treated. “Sadly it appears that the young man may have suffered an aneurysm which has caused a stroke.”
“The heavy bass music caused his ear drums to burst and ruptured the blood vessels in the brain which led to the stroke,” continued Dr. Chalmers. “A toxicology report indicates that the young man was completely sober at the time of the incident and drugs or alcohol played no part in this injury. Ironically alcohol acts as a natural blood thinner so had he been drinking heavily that night, it might have helped.”
Doctors issued a warning to all fans of bass music to “be very careful how you consume your music, always have it at a safe volume and avoid standing too close to the speaker as it can lead to serious risks to your health.”
“Dubstep kills,” she added.
“This bassline dropped like nothing you’ll ever believe,” explained witness and friend of the victim, Adam Jacobs. “Instead of building up then dropping back to a normal range, this went up higher and higher then dropped right back down to the lowest growlingest bassline you’ll ever hear. It was like Rik Waller fell on and then farted into a microphone after eating a banquet table full of sausage rolls.”
Commenting on Mr. Miller’s collapse he said, “It was sick, both in the sense that seeing a friend bleed from the ears was sick, and also sick in the sense that that bass was sick.”
“I didn’t know that bass lines could do that,” he continued. “I heard that you could get chlamydia off of dirty bass, but didn’t think it’d seriously hurt you.”
“I’m just so sorry about what happened,” offered the contrite DJ who was playing at the time of the incident. “I had the bass turned up higher than it should have been because I was trying to show off when I thought I saw Skrillex in the audience. In the end it turned out it was just some girl who looked like Skrillex except more masculine and with less hair.”
“I just hope Mr. Miller pulls through, although if he doesn’t I’m sure I’ll get a lot of exposure from being the DJ whose bass killed a guy. So, like every cloud.”
Mr. Miller is currently in the intensive care unit at Bristol Royal Infirmary where he is in stable but critical condition.