Hero Dealer Letting Cash Strapped People Pay For Drugs With Sexual Favours

A kind hearted inner city drug dealer was widely praised today for his innovative and thoughtful approach to selling drugs which includes letting those less fortunate pay for their drugs in sexual favours rather than cash.

“Well it’s been widely accepted in the local community as a fantastic initiative that lets the poorer members of society maintain their dependency on hard drugs without having to resort to any criminal behaviour to raise cash,” explained city Councillor John Aspil. “I think that Andy, the dealer in question, deserves all the plaudits and commendations that he’s receiving for his selfless and generous act.”

The sex for drugs program, offered by 28 year old career dealer, Andy Markham, has been spearheaded across his inner city catchment area and is open to anyone who is struggling to pay for their recreational drugs who Andy believes to “have a purty mouth, tight arse or big lips”.

“In the interest of fairness and equality the sex for drugs scheme is open to everyone, both men and women, who without it would struggle to pay for the luxury of maintaining a weekend recreational drug habit,” explained man of the people and person who is not in any way seedy and exploitative, Andy. “Men and women aged 18 and over will be able to forgo cash payments simply by fellating me to orgasm, or even using their hands, fannies or bums.”

“If I don’t reach orgasm however the transaction is deemed null and void,” he added. “Cause like if I don’t muck then what’s the point? It’s only fair.”

Local addicts and recreational users alike were quick to lavish praise on Andy with one cocaine fan exclaiming that “buying from Andy is great. If you’re short a bit of cash you can just let him pop open his belt, take him in your mouth for a few minutes and before you know it you’re walking away with what you wanted, only mildly dead inside”.

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“I wish they all did it,” continued the addict who wished not to be named, “I’d pay for everything this way if I could, even sex.”

“The way I see it, if you’re not willing to prostitute yourself for the tiniest speck of cocaine well then you don’t deserve it,” he added.

“It’s not exploitative, it’s emancipatory,” concluded Andy. “I’m removing the shackles that the system of monetary exchange places on an individuals ability to kill themselves with drugs that they paid for by throwing dignity to the wind and performing sex acts on a stranger.”