Onlookers have been left confused after a local heroin addict was seen walking along the high street looking “ridiculously smug” with himself.
Toothless Tim, who lives in a Brighton squat, is said to have looked like he “just found twenty quid”, with the “cheekiest fucking smirk” on his face whilst strutting along Brighton seafront.
“Usually the crackheads just ask us for a quid,” said local mouthpiece Dannii Fox. “This dude didn’t want anything, he just puffed out his chest, wiggled his arse and walked off. The sass on him was unbelievable. Nobody could understand what had happened, but it was good to see him full of confidence and swagger, rather than being off his chops on smack, which is how we mostly tend to see him and his junkie girlfriend, Rotten Rita.”
Wunderground managed to speak to Toothless Tim about his new found lust for life, “They’re making Trainspotting 2 ain’t they?” he said gleefully. “Last time that film was released, it put heroin on the map. I was on the verge of becoming a professional footballer but that film touched me so deeply I fucked off a life of glitz, glamour, beautiful women and unlimited money to get bang on the big H.”
“I’ve never regretted my choice, even if my remaining teeth are a bit fucking nasty,” continued Tim. “Trainspotting 2 will make me a proper trendy cunt won’t it? Media will want to interview me, kids will want to be like me, celebrities will start dressing like me and people will want to associate themselves with me and my lovely bird. I might make the cover of Vanity Fair, get rich and live a life of luxury, doing smack in a mansion or a castle. It’s going to be an unreal time to be alive for all smack heads and junkies around the world. Our time is about to come.”
