Reports from the US alternative festival Burning Man suggest that people around the world are “simply not doing enough to make a big massive, overblown deal” of the week long music festival in Black Rock desert Nevada.
“People are simply not doing enough to make a big fucking deal of Burning Man,” admitted festival spokesperson Sandra Billings. “They need to get out there and promote the life-changing potential of what is essentially the best music festival in the world set entirely in a desert full of post-apocalyptic hippies.”
Sandra claimed that normally anyone who has been to Burning Man will transform into a neo-hippy Burning Man convert who’ll spend long hours gushing about the festival to anyone who’ll listen over a latte and gluten free scone but that this year it’s like people aren’t that bothered anymore.
The best thing people can do, according to Sandra, is to talk about Burning Man whenever the opportunity presents itself like when someone mentions a different summer festival or when you see a man burning like in an action movie or, if you’re not from the West, in real life.
“If making a massive deal about the festival by constantly talking about it is too much of a strain then the advice is to do it whenever you can,” continued Sandra. “Those who are truly committed to making the biggest possible deal out of Burning Man would be wise to wear emblazoned t-shirts that promote the life changing big dealness of the festival with slogans that exemplify that like ‘Burning Man Is Better Than God’ or ‘Burning Man Cures AIDS’, catchy slogans like that that offer a balanced example of how big of a deal Burning Man really is.”
The truly committed according to Sandra, might want to think about getting some sort of permanent tattoo promoting Burning Man somewhere visible yet discreet like a forearm, the hand or the face.
“We encourage everyone who wants to make a bigger deal out of Burning Man than it is to tell people how amazing every aspect of the festival is,” explained Sandra. “Make sure you tell people that we burn a big fucking man at the end. We burn it. And it’s huge. It’s like a mini-9/11, and much like 9/11 it’s a raging inferno that you can see for miles and the people who built it are responsible for burning it.”
