A hole detected in the o-zone layer, a portion of the atmosphere responsible for keeping out the sun’s most harmful rays, above Berlin is believed to have been caused by the repeated “fist pumping dancing action” of the city’s thousands of techno music fans.
Meteorologist and techno-fan Arnulf Bauer said that the hole being created is potentially more dangerous than the one created by chlorofuorocarbons (CFC’s) and that if the city’s techno scene does not take necessary precautions the hole will only get bigger.
The fist pump, seen here demonstrated by a big, dumb, plastic-headed cartoon character and Disney’s Goofy, is ubiquitous among the dance music scene around the world, but the popularity of the Berlin techno scene, which attracts thousands of tourists each year, is seen as exceptionally damaging.
“Whenever any person throws their fist into the air,” explained Arnulf, “be they dancing at a techno concert, celebrating a long putt or trying to punch a giraffe, a small but detectable buffet of air is sent skyward, which due to the wave-like motion of air currents combines with other small buffets of air to form one big wave, like the Mexican, that slams against the o-zone layer causing rupture and damage.”
That damage would ordinarily repair itself continued Arnulf but due to the 24/7 365 partying nature of Berlin’s nightlife the o-zone never has a chance to heal.
“Each fist pump is like a half strength punch right onto the nose of the sky, and though the sky’s nose is not yet broken, it is bleeding heavily,” continued Arnulf. “Which is why we need to find another dance move to rival the fist pump that people can do safely, without further destroying the sky.”
Some of the suggested alternatives include the “downward fist pump”, “the elbow dance” and “the Boiler Room” a dance said to be so languid and un-energetic it’s imperceptible to the human eye.
“The fist pump, seen here demonstrated by a big, dumb, plastic-headed cartoon character and Disney’s Goofy…”
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