A batch of ecstasy tablets which claim to have been made homeopathically do absolutely fuck all claim the country’s clubbers.
Testing out the all natural, legal alternative to disco biscuits a group of volunteer clubbers decided to offer themselves as test subjects after becoming largely bored with everything else and being broke.
“They were shit,” claimed pill tester, 27-year-old Anthony Brown an Xbox “technician” and expert joint roller from his parent’s house. “I got nothing off them, like a lot of legal highs they appeared vaguely speckled and looked like crushed up nettles, usually a good sign but after taking about 5 over two hours I was experiencing less than nothing.”
“Unless you consider the mild satisfaction a skeptical person experiences when a supposed homeopathic cure fails to work thus proving their suspicions correct a high, in which case I was off my fucking tits,” he added. “I was high as a kite on feeling slightly superior that science had won out against quackery but in real terms you’d call that buzz a whole lot of nothing. You‘d be better off giving yourself head rushes and spinning around than taking the pills.”
Homeopaths have denied the veracity of the claims by clubbers claiming they were fucked up dance pigs with no stake in society and therefore untrustworthy.
“These pills are made using 100% homeopathic strategies so you know they’re fool proof,” claimed chief homeopathic Tiger Lily Chelmsford Rushe. “Maybe if the people who tested them had less of a tolerance to quackery then they’d experience the mellow high it creates.”
“They’ve already got a massive tolerance to street drugs and are probably mentally unhinged too,” she concluded. “The report would be a lot more accurate if they used people who are generally more predisposed to homeopathy – the mentally disabled, the bewildered, the stupid and the religious.”
