A young producer signed to London based record label, Hot Creations, has this morning had his contract terminated after it emerged that the beatmaker had passed a routine drugs test.
David Jackson, who had produced several druggy nu-disco tracks that were set to be released on the imprint was let go after his urine showed up clean for a company wide drug test.
“Flying fucking colours,” confided one Hot Creations source Paul Nugent, “what’s the world coming to?”
“We like to test all of our artists regularly to make sure that their piss resembles that of a ketamine spiked Lance Armstrong eating cocaine off a bike saddle,” confirmed Paul. “It’s one of the prerequisites here at Hot Creations that our artists express themselves through drugged abandon, just look at Lee Foss.”
“When he first signed for us he used to wear ties and had short hair that your Mum would think was neat,” continued Paul. “Just look at the beautifully frazzled head on him now behind the decks, that’s what Hot Creations is all about.”
Paul claims that the structure of Hot Creations is set up so as to provide a calming and welcoming environment which promotes “artistic freedom and ensures that none of [their] acts mess around with sobriety”.
“I had my suspicions that David wasn’t using for quite some time,” explained Paul. “He’s let himself down, his family down and, most of all, the label down.”
David had a whopping 0.0 mcg/mL of ketmine, coke and ecstasy in his blood when Hot Creations onsite drug testers analysed his piss, a number that has been described as “the lowest blood drug and alcohol level anyone in this office has ever possessed”.
“There weren’t even any weed,” added Paul. “You just never think it’ll happen to one of your own but then bang, sobriety hits. It’s dangerous for a DJ to be that sober, just look at all the big DJs who saw their careers dwindle thanks to sobriety – Fatboy Slim, Boy George, Brandon Block, all used to be hell for leather but now are just leather.”
Paul claimed that David may still be able to recover his place on Hot Creations if he completes a 12 Step Program which starts with him “having a blow off a spliff on the balcony and should end hopefully, with him rocking DC10 ketted to the eyeballs with piss streaming down his leg”.
“Like a real DJ.”
