A hungover girl woke up this morning to find herself married to DJ Laidback Luke after using a new dating app which connects people through a shared interest in dance music.
The app, Dance Tonight, was able to put 27-year-old fashion student Laura Maxwell in contact with like-minded clubbers heading to a Laidback Luke show in California.
“It basically like Tinder except you can like DJ’s profiles and hook up with people who also like that DJ,” explained Laura. “I wasn’t really that big a fan of Laidback Luke’s current sound, I was just hoping to meet a cool guy who also had a penchant for dance music – I never in a million years expected that I’d actually meet the man himself.”
Laura claims she arranged to meet a date at the Laidback Luke gig in the hopes of finding an after party of decent music as “she expected Luke would put out a crowd pleasing set of rote EDM hits” but “all quite acrobatically mixed together”.
“The guy I met through the app was real cute, he said he was there just for the party and to meet music fans like me but we didn’t really hit it off as when I scrolled through his profile I could see that he also liked interminable electro-gimp Steve Aoki and had recently attended a Martin Garrix show,” she explained. “It was obvious with taste like that it wasn’t going to work out between us and that he’d probably be unable to gratify me sexually.”
Laura says that in spite of this setback she was able to find an after party using a feature on the Dance Tonight app which allows users to create or receive invites to after parties, and that it was here where she ran into Luke.
“He wasn’t playing or anything, he said he’d already bored himself to salty tears playing an electro-house set at the earlier gig and that he was only at the party to listen to decent tunes and lay back,” she explained. “When I met him he was trying to avoid notice and enjoy the music, which I thought was actually very laid back of him and not at all like the usual attention seeking dickbaggery that you’d expect from one of EDM’s biggest names.”
“As an opening conversational gambit I told him that playing radio-friendly pop-EDM was something of a step down for someone with his turntablist background,” she explained. “He told me that even he didn’t like the music he was playing but that anyone who appears on the DJ Mag Top 100 is contractually obliged to sound identical to each other and was now attending this after party because he knew Ben UFO was playing later and wanted to experience some proper, interesting, dance music.”
“He took all the grief I was giving him in his stride though and then when he offered me a shot of absinthe I said yes both for the free drink and because of how he was handling my insults,” she concluded. “I’m not sure what happened for the rest of the night, but I can imagine it was probably like an entire rom-com movie’s will-they-won’t-they, romantic epic where two formerly antagonistic people realised their love for each other all compressed into six hours of an alcohol fueled haze of dancing and bickering.”
“When I woke up we were already married,” she enthused. “He was standing next to the bed, playing an old school techno set and actually enjoying it, I can tell we’re going to be so happy together.”
