An American man has become an internet sensation after losing a whopping 100lbs on an all ecstasy diet – resulting in a weight loss fad that has spread across the country.
“I tried everything to lose weight, Atkins, juice cleanses, having my stomach stapled, only eating cheese, leeches and even, a healthy diet, but none of it worked,” claimed Jack Varney from Florida. “A friend of mine suggested that maybe I’d be less of a fat mess if I exercised but I really hate anything activity that can’t be performed from a seating position.”
“That was until I discovered these amazing pills that not only help you lose weight but are fun too,” claimed the father of two, an IT engineer and man who has a blood Coca Cola level that is the highest in the United States and therefore the world. “All you have to do is take four a day for four days, dance for 12 hours and the you literally sweat the weight off.”
Jack has been undergoing the controversial diet for the last 6 months and says that the success of the diet has changed his life, even if he sometimes now slurs his words and doesn’t work.
“At first I got into it through a friend who told me about EDM, it was good for about a week but you quickly get bored to tears by the same formulaic nonsense so, as I grew into the course of ecstasy tablets I became more involved with the music I wsa listening to and the effects that it has on the weight loss process.”
Jack claims that for his first pill of teh day, usually taken around midday, he’ll listen to something uplifting but not too banging before getting into the banging stuff, Jeff Mills or Dave Clarke around the second pill.
“Banging industrial techno is definitely the best for shedding the weight,” he claimed. “Tropical house is the worse, it might as well not be music for all the good it does.”
“Usually by pill three I’m ready for something a bit more expansive and involved so something progressive or techy but melodic and then I’ll end the night listening to something downtempo by Dixon,” he explained.
“All the time I’m dancing in my living room, performing a series of stretches and drinking water, at no point through the whole experience do I have an urge to eat so each day on the pills is a day not eating,” he added. “I’m avoiding the bad food groups by not eating any at all.”
Jack says that he does this in four day bursts eating only vegetable soup when he’s coming down and a light breakfast of eggs and porridge before dropping.
“I recommend this diet to everyone, if you want to lose weight fast then start taking ecstasy on the reg! It’s super effective and fun! You don’t even need to exercise or go through any invasive surgeries and the tunes are amazing.”
