Ibiza Drug Gangs “Devastated” That Season Is Coming To An End
The leader of a drug gang based on the Balearic island of Ibiza has spoken about his “devastation” that the summer party season is coming to an end.
Serge Costa, who has been running a drug empire on the island for the last 15 years has described the hardship that drug gangs endure throughout the barren winter months, “It’s the same every year around this time. You work hard all summer so that you can be sure that you’ve made enough so you can afford to pay for the prostitutes and yachts to get you through the harsh winter in your palatial villa. It’s a seasonal business that we’re running and you have to be equipped for these difficult months.”
Costa claimed that although his business completely dries up through the winter and spring it’s still rich pickings on the island for the summer months and that any drug gang worth their salt should be amassing huge profits, “If you’re a drug dealer in Ibiza and you’re not making money then you’re about as useful as a drug mule with chronic diarrhoea.”
Speaking about the ease with which drug gangs are finding conducting business in Ibiza Costa claimed, “It’s getting easier and easier to make money. In the last few years Ibiza has stopped being about a deep spiritual experience and shifted to being centred around a culture of consumption and commercialism that makes it easier for us to shift our products.”
“People come to the island now for the VIP, celebrity experience but unfortunately for them that costs a lot of money in Ibiza. People are desperate to live the fantasy lifestyle that the clubs promote and so are willing to take shortcuts to get the cash to support that dream, “explained Costa. “It’s so easy now to recruit drug mules or street dealers because they’re all paid such a pittance by the bars and clubs that they need a second source of income if they want to maintain an opulent lifestyle.”
Birmingham part time DJ, poser and tanning bed enthusiast, John Wilkins, worked as a drug mule in Costa’s organisation and spoke of his motivation for becoming involved with criminal gangs, “Normally I’d never get involved with drugs but I wasn’t earning enough being a club rep so decided to start selling drugs so that I could afford to throw money around at expensive parties and so validate my self-image. The money was great, I was able to go to all the most expensive parties on the island like David Guetta’s Fuck Me I’m Famous parties,” John enthused.
“It was an amazing experience to drink extortionately priced champagne in a fire hazard with hundreds of other gurning morons. I managed to even get a selfie with David Guetta standing behind the decks in the background that got thirty likes when I posted it on Facebook. I wouldn’t have been able to afford the entirely reasonable €80 cover charge if it wasn’t for renting my arsehole out as storage space.”
“People like John make my business,” Costa told the press. “If it wasn’t for consumerist, loutish, cretins like him coming to the island I wouldn’t be able to sell any drugs at all. But thankfully there are people who are stupid enough to believe that the fantasy VIP lifestyle on offer is so worthwhile that they’ll stick ounces of coke up their asses for a few thousand quid.”
“It’s always with a sense of sadness that I close up shop for the winter but knowing that there’ll always be fresh idiots to exploit makes the pain that much easier to bear,” asserted Costa as he boarded his chartered jet.