A pool party in Ibiza’s Ocean Beach Hotel was shut down yesterday after a dangerous level of piss was detected in the hotel’s swimming pool.
The discovery was made after a number of anonymous calls were made to Ibiza’s local health and safety office reporting a “pissy smell” and “yellow tint” to the pool’s water.
Pop star Rita Ora was was attending the weekly pool party, she was in the hotel’s VIP section when the incident happened. Wunderground caught up with her earlier, “I knew as soon as I walked into the hotel that there was an exceptionally high level of piss in the pool so I didn’t go anywhere near the water.”
“Anyone who’s ever spent any time with Clavin Harris will be fairly familiar with the smell of piss,” claimed Ora. “He has a real fascination with his own piss and shit, he even collects it in jars, he has done for years.”
“He actually has shit in storage from before he was famous and he’s totally convinced that the shit he does now smells a lot less shit like than his older stuff,” explained Ora, who has just come out of a relationship with the Scottish EDM superstar, “He’s constantly opening jars of his own shit and smelling it, he’s convinced it smells like flowers but it just smells like shit to me.”
“After spending a lot of time with Calvin I would actually consider myself an expert on the smell of piss, cleaning piss stains, mopping up puddles of piss and pretty much anything piss related,” continued Ora. “So I can say with authority that there definitely was a dangerous amount of piss in that pool, almost as much piss as the front of a pair of Clavin’s dirty undies.”
Hotel staff have revealed that they suspect the piss came from a number of sources but “mostly from willies and fannies” and have assured all of their guests that the pool will be reopened as quickly as possible.
“Anyone who’s ever spent any time with Calvin Harris will be fairly familiar with the smell of piss” – fucking brilliant!!! Hahahahaha!! Woke the weans up laughing at that 🙂