Ibiza’s notorious Ket Cove is to be renamed Balloon Bay after a major ketamine shortage has left the island in a severely unwobbled state.
The cove, which is situated within walking distance of San Antonio’s West End, has become a well known destination for holiday makers and workers to go and take ketamine after hours. The ketamine shortage has led to a five hundred percent increase in nitrous oxide use in the small sheltered inlet leaving officials with little or no choice but to rename the area Balloon Bay.
Max Harper, a part time PR worker and full time drug dealer, spoke of his frustration about the recent announcement, “I’m totally gutted they’re changing Ket Cove’s name. It’s just not right to be changing names like that and Balloon Bay sounds worse than Tiesto’s new album.”
“Ket Cove was first discovered by Captain Pugwash in 1911 so to change its name just because there’s a bit of a wobble deficiency is ridiculous, it’s the locals I feel sorry for,” he said while pissing on a shop front. “Doing balloons is shit anyway, they could of at least given it a new name that was associated with good drugs, like Hash Harbour or Eccy Estuary,” he suggested.
“I’ve made some great memories, and money, down in Ket Cove, it just wont be the same down there any more,” he sentimentally continued. “I can’t imagine being down there without people crawling around like lizards or walking like they’ve got noodles for legs, it’s like losing a dog, if your dog was a really good place to take k.”
Ibizan drug gangs are said to be working overtime to ensure the supply of ketamine is reinstated on the island as soon as possible and have assured potential customers that there is “barrels of it” on the way.
