Electronic music producer Scuba has admitted that he would give up everything he has achieved in the music industry for the prospect of a more peaceful life under the sea.
The Berlin based musician and long time scuba diving enthusiast made the astonishing claims just days after announcing that he is set to take a break from his summer touring schedule due to ongoing health issues.
Scuba, real name Paul Rose, explained his stance to Wunderground earlier this week, “I’ve always been more into sea related activities than music. I like to think that I’m equally as good at both but I just got a break in music and here I am now.”
“Even when I started my musical journey back in university it was a toss up between scuba diving and drum and bass,” explained Scuba. “I only went with the drum and bass because I presumed I’d have more chance of getting with chicks at drum and bass nights than I would at scuba diving society meetings which were mostly populated by mustachioed men in tight fitting wet suits named Serge.”
“But the lack of scuba diving left a hole in my soul, I’d often spend hours setting in a bath full of water in full scuba gear pretending I was a harpooner and listen to Octopus’s Garden by The Beatles,” revealed Scuba. “Any normal boy would have spent that time doing something productive like college work or wanking. I often wonder what I could have achieved if I’d put all that time into my music rather than playing in the bath. I could have been bigger than sea god Neptune.”
“Even the name of my label Hot Flush was originally going to be Cold Splash, as in a dip in the sea, but I changed it at the last minute because I wanted to keep the idea of a quick dip to myself,” he continued.
“There are just so many things that are better under the sea,” claimed Rose. “Like catching crabs, I’ve had so many fun times catching crabs underwater. Have you ever tried catching crabs on dry land?” he asked. “Well I have, it was actually at one of the drum and bass nights I mentioned earlier, and let me tell you there’s nothing wholesome or fun about rolling your scrotum between your thumb and forefinger until it’s red and numb.”
“Sometimes I regret the direction my career path has taken and now that I actually have time to reflect on it I’d gladly give it all up for a more peaceful life under the sea,” confessed Rose honestly. “Sometimes I wake up sweating after dreaming of playing to a huge crowd under the sea, just for a second it feels real and it’s as if my two worlds have come finally together,” he uttered while looking reflectively at a point in the distance.
“Then I wake up and my heart sinks like the titanic, and my dreams are shattered like a ship on rocks during a storm,” he painfully concluded in a variety of sea based idioms like a sailor on shore leave.
If only more people knew who Scuba was…. the greatest scuba diver EVER. #respect.