Ket users the world over have confirmed that they will never take ket again after things got “a bit weird”, it has emerged.
Ketamine, also know in some circles as regretamine, has been likened to the noxious Australian tabletop staple Vegemite, which is either loved or hated by everyone who tries it.
Vocal part time anti-ketamine activist and full time mad bastard, Henry Pierce, recently spoke about his so called “love-hate” relationship with the drug, “Eye, I definitely said I was never going to take ketamine again but that doesn’t mean that I won’t.”
“I’ve also said I’m never going to eat a deep fried Mars bar again and I say I’m never going to drink again at least twice a week but we all know none of those things are true,” explained the Glasgow native. “It’s just a figure of speech you use when you really want to drive home the fact that you’ve been caining something really hard to your friends.”
“The truth is that when I say I’m never going to do something again I actually mean I’m not going to do it until the following weekend,” revealed Pierce, a self confessed session monster. “Or until a suitable excuse to do whatever it is I said I wasn’t going to do comes up.”
“Like last weekend, I drank two bottles of Buckfast, blanked out and woke up in random back garden surrounded by garden gnomes, then I told everyone I know that I was never drinking Bucky again,” claimed Mr. Pierce, “but then on Tuesday, I found a tenner in the pants I had been wearing and I decided the only way to celebrate such a fortuitous event was with a wee bottle of Bucky.”
“So when I said I was never taking ket again what I really meant was I won’t be taking it today, I probably won’t take it tomorrow but after that it’s fair game.”
According to experts, only ten percent of people who say they will never do ketamine again actually make it beyond one month without retaking it, with “little bumps at after parties” and “cheeky wobbles on dance floors” the two biggest causes of relapse.
