Dance music’s ultimate pantomime villain, Paris Hilton, has startled the entire industry by claiming that she’s not perusing a career as a DJ for money because she only uses credit cards.
Hilton’s verbalized brain fart is the latest in a long line of linguistic misdemeanors by the hotel heiress, who recently claimed that her favourite genre of music was “derp house” and spoke how much she loves mixing music on her “combine harvester controllers”.
Speaking at an open press conference, Hilton responded to one angry punter’s jibe of “you’re nothing but a money hungry whore”, by saying, “no that’s not true, I’m not in it for the money at all, I don’t even use money, I only use credit cards. Credit cards are hot.”
Commentators globally are claiming that Miss Hilton’s response “is quite possibly the dumbest thing anyone has ever said anywhere in the world” and proves how far removed from reality she actually is.
“Paris Hilton is extremely lucky she was born into money,” claimed Dr. Annalise Yorwoords of Utah’s Speech Therapy Center. “After hearing what she said it’s quite obvious that without her family’s wealth she’d be a professional wall licker, and that’s not even a real profession she’d actually just be a gormless moron walking around licking walls.”
“People who say things like that usually fall into the bracket known professionally as the ‘may as well be deads’,” claimed Dr. Yorwoords. “They normally have an IQ of around eight or nine, which is remarkably low, even things which are not alive, like a plastic fork or a wasted biro, have a greater IQ than that, it’s possible Miss. Hilton is among the lowest forms of intelligence known to man.”
“Even two or three year old children are able to make the link between credit cards and cash,” she continued. “Which would really make you question Hilton’s role in her various pop, fashion, literature and cosmetic careers. It’s seem she’s less of an entrepreneur and more of an in through one ear out the other.”
Hilton is believed to be extremely embarrassed by what she said and is rumoured to be seeking public relations lessons from “Swedish foot in mouths” Axwell and Ingrosso.
