A woman in her late 20s, who has been a self confessed “party animal” since her teens, has reportedly been posting erroneous fitness-based statuses and tweets in a bid to convince her friends and followers that she has reformed her partying ways and is now living a healthier, alcohol-free, exercise-rich lifestyle.
Amanda Carrick, a 28 year old receptionist from London, explains how she has been starting to feel guiltier and guiltier about drinking and partying too much. “It started about a year ago. I was getting really, really bad hangovers and also began feeling guilty and as if what I was doing, whilst being amazing fun, was in some way hollow and unfulfilling. I really felt like I should just stop going out clubbing altogether,” explained Amanda. “But it’s so hard to say no when you’re a borderline alcoholic, like most clubbers.”
“I looked at other people my age who weren’t going out at the weekends and they seemed to be living wholesome, yet boring lives,” continued Amanda. “I noticed that the one common factor with all of them was a focus on fitness so I decided to get on a fitness trip myself and signed up for my local gym.”
“I ran on a treadmill for about 30 seconds and almost died,” claimed Amanda. “It was really, really hard but when I posted my intentions of going to the gym on my Facebook account I got loads of likes and comments from well wishers, some of whom I hadn’t spoken to in years. I decided then that the most important thing wasn’t actually being healthy and fit but having people think that I was healthy and fit.”
“I became addicted to posting statuses about jogging or cycling and then basking in the warm regard of all the comments from the other people masking their mid life crises through fitness. I wasn’t even going to the gym, I was sat at home maybe drinking wine and watching X-Factor,” laughed Amanda. “People look at you differently when they think you’re looking after yourself. It’s as if by the mere act of running around for a bit a few times a week that you’re better than everyone else.”
Amanda explained how she constructed a complicated double-life of false fitness by posting daily about fitness related activities. “I signed up to Map My Run, Map My Ride. All those things. I’d stick them on while I was in the car,” elaborated Amanda. “I almost got caught when an eagle eyed friend queried how I’d run 10 kilometers in under 30 minutes, which is world class standard, but I just said I’d been using anabolic steroids and she gave me a conspiratorial wink and congratulated my success.”
Amanda was finally caught out when a photo of her at an all-night rave looking pudgy and gurning with a drink in her hand surfaced on Facebook and was compared to photos she had been posting of her supposed midriff. “That was actually Britney Spears’ midriff with my head photo shopped onto the body,” Amanda admitted. “I really should have used a photo of Britney during her muffin top years.”
Following Amanda’s exposure as a fraud a number of people have given support to her with an estimated 75% of the people who talk about fitness on Facebook admitting that they too were lying the entire time. “My Facebook persona is so important to me,” explained one man. “I just want to appear successful so that men will be jealous of me and women will want to fuck me. Thankfully people equate fitness with success so it’s an easy lie to tell.”
“I’d use Facebook to post inspirational quotes from sportspeople,” explained another man. “Sometimes I’d just tell people about my fitness timetable even if they didn’t ask or express any interest whatsoever in it. Even they hated hearing about it or were disinterested they never for a second doubted if what I was saying was true or not.”
“I’ve never even seen a kettle bell or a dumbbell,” admitted Amanda. “The only things that I use my arms to lift are pints of Stella and cigarettes.”
