A middle aged man who has been suffering from chronic erectile dysfunction is “delighted” with Miley Cyrus’s public sexual meltdown.
Oliver Morgan, a 46 year old truck driver, claimed that he has suffered from erectile dysfunction for the last ten years and that it has put his marriage under enormous pressure.
“It’s a tough condition to deal with when you feel like you’re in the prime of your life,” explained Oliver. “Trying to make a marriage work without a healthy sex life is a massive strain but thankfully with Miley Cyrus’s recent sexual ‘awakening’ my marriage has never been in better shape…You could say that Miley Cyrus saved my marriage.”
“I haven’t been able to perform sexually for a number of years without the help of Viagra or similar drugs but I’d prefer to not have to resort to medication,” Oliver claimed. “The last time I got a natural erection was probably around the time Christina Aguilera released her Dirrty video. I was able to masturbate to that, six, maybe seven times a morning.”
Oliver claims that, thanks to Miley Cyrus, he and his wife are now enjoying a highly active sex life. “A typical session usually starts with us watching the Wrecking Ball video,” explained Oliver. “After about 45 minutes of that on a loop my wife will go into the other room where she’ll slip on a Hannah Montana face mask and a tight, white wife-beater. When she comes back into the room dressed like Miley and bouncing on our son’s old space hopper I’ll quickly make her lick a sledgehammer and then I’m pretty much ready to go.”
“It’s so great to have my husband back,” explained Oliver’s delighted wife, Jill. “He’s like a new man, full of life and vigour. He’ll have these tiny little tell tales signs that let me know he’s ready for sex. I might hear him in the morning humming Wrecking Ball as he walks up the stairs to the bedroom. When the bedroom door is suddenly busted open by a visibly aroused Oliver swinging a sledgehammer it’s pretty obvious that he wants sex.”
Jill went on to claim that, despite some mild post-coital shame and a metallic taste in her mouth, she couldn’t be happier using Miley Cyrus’s current sexualisation as a role playing template. “It’s fine. I’m just happy to have any sex life back. Even if it is slightly unusual,” claimed Jill. “That was why I was a bit angry with Sinead O’ Connor for attempting to give the misguided girl some salient and necessary advice. If Miley stops sexualising herself then my sex life is over. And then I’ll have to wait for the next naive teen-star to mistakenly think she’s empowering herself through overt sexualisation. That could take years.”
