Steve Angello has today revealed the secret behind why he is not part of the project that has seen his former Swedish House Mafia bandmates reunite to release an album under the inventive moniker Axwell / Ingrosso.
News of the upcoming release came as music to the ears of idiots all over the world after Zane Lowe exclusively broke the story by playing a preview of their album, which predictably sounds like a rusty terminator raping a keyboard while shoving a drum machine up its robot arse, on his BBC Radio One show on Thursday night.
The duo, who have replaced their respective social media accounts with a new Axwell / Ingrosso band page, were quick to confirm the story, revealing that their album is “nearly complete”.
Former Swedish House Mafia member, Steve Angello, spoke today about his exclusion from the up coming project, “I met with the guys a couple of weeks ago about the possibility of making a comeback album. When I heard how shit the demo Axwell had made sounded I refused straight out. It’s bad enough having my name associated S.H.M. with out adding this pathetic drivel to the equation.”
“I never really got on with those guys anyway,” explained Angello. “Seb (Ingrosso) was a total fucking weirdo. He used to lure female fans back to his hotel under the promise of sex but when they got there he just dressed up in a sheep outfit and get them to herd him around the room for hours on end.”
“I used to feel so sorry for those sluts not getting their fix of celebrity cock,” continued the concerned DJ. “I would have fucked them myself only they were so worn out by the manual labour involved in DJ herding,” he added.
“And as for Axwell, the less said about that dick snivel the better, he’s a total fucking cunt. Honestly, if there’s a bigger cunt in the world I’ve never met him,” claimed Angello before correcting himself and explaining that he actually knows Calvin Harris – who is in fact a much bigger cunt than Axwell – quite well.
The album, set to be called, How Do People Still Buy This Shit? is set for release later this summer.
