In a World Health Organisation survey conducted this week it emerged that Ireland has the second highest levels of binge drinking in the world.
The study, which has been a source of competitive pride for Irish people ever since St. Patrick invented whiskey in 865AD, concluded that Ireland finished second behind Austria but ahead of Britain in third.
“To lose it like this sticks in the throat,” confessed Irish sessioner and DJ Mano Le Tough. “You train all your life to be the best partiers in the world with the ability to drink the most and then lose it at the final hurdle, I’m devastated.”
“At least we beat the British,” he added. “But in this sport, second might as well be last.”
The results show that 39% of Irish adults aged 15 and over had engaged in binge drinking in the last 30 days but analysts say that it’s simply not enough.
“We need to rediscover the form that made us the best drinkers in the world,” admitted one. “We have a fantastic squad of committed and regular drinkers, I think we’re just being let down by people on health kicks, those with liver disease and the elderly. Simply put they’re not pulling their weight.”
In a bid to save the nation any more heartache and secure topspot the government plans on lowering the duty on alcohol for publicans, set up grass root teen drinking camps and offer homeowners the option of having pub taps fitted into their homes when Irish Water install their meters.
“Hopefully with these measures we’ll be able to reassess and come back stronger next year. Don’t get me wrong I think we have a great drinking team and for a small country we always represent ourselves well,” concluded a hopeful Mano who has been honing his drinking on the Berlin social circuit for the last number of years. “I think we do that and we’ll be world champions again.”
