An Irish student has been reported missing after an eight foot tower, constructed out of approximately seven hundred empty beer cans, collapsed trapping the unfortunate nineteen year old under kilos of aluminum.
Barry McAlester, an arts student in Dublin’s Trinity College, was last seen adding freshly drank beer cans to the tower around lunch time yesterday after an early morning freshers week drinking session.
Housemates reported hearing a “massive crashing” noise coming from the kitchen, where the tower was located, before noticing the tower had completely collapsed covering the floor in empty beer cans.
Peter O’Brien, one of seven students living in the house, spoke about the incident, “I was sitting in my bedroom smoking hash and playing Xbox when I heard the crash,” explained the eighteen year old chemistry student.
“I walked out into the hall to see what all the commotion was and there were beer cans spilling out the kitchen door. I knew straight away that the tower had collapsed,” continued Mr. O’Brien. “I just walked over and kicked the cans back into the kitchen and closed the door and went back to playing Call of Duty.”
“I didn’t even know Barry was in there,” he claimed, “and even if I had of known I would have done the exact same thing, those cans weren’t my mess so there’s no way I was going to go and start cleaning them up. Sure I don’t even drink beer.”
Attempts to locate Mr. McAlester have so far proved unsuccessful as none of his housemates have entered the kitchen in the last twenty four hours.
“We have a fridge and a kettle in the sitting room,” explained Eamon Pearse, another housemate of Mr. McAlester. “It makes life much easier when you don’t have to go into the kitchen to make a cup of tea when you’re watching Countdown and the only thing we really cook are Pot Noodles so apart from the beer tower the kitchen doesn’t really get much use.”
“I’m sure Barry’s fine to be honest with you. He’s probably just injured or unconscious or something like that,” added Pearse nonchalantly. “We’ll eventually find him when we go in and clean the cans up but the recycling bin doesn’t get collected until Friday week so it’s going to have to wait until then.”
When asked if he was worried about the possibility of having a dead body in the house Mr. Pearse responded, “A no he’s probably not dead, he was pissed when he went in there so I’d say he just fell asleep under all the cans.”
“Even if he is dead, there’s seven teenage lads living in this house so a dead body’s probably not the worst thing you’re going to find,” he joked. “It definitely won’t smell any worse anyway and that’s nothing a thirty second spray of Lynx wouldn’t fix.”
