It has been confirmed that Islington Council have booked newly the reopened nightclub Fabric for their Christmas party, where staff will be able to get “off their tits” following a highly lucrative year.
Senior Council members believe the three hundred-strong team are due a “decent party”, having “worked their balls off for the greater good”, over the past twelve months; issuing fines to innocent people, ripping off the poor and “meddling in shit” that doesn’t concern them.
“Traditionally we go for a Christmas Lunch up the West End but it seems the majority want to do something different this year,” announced Leroy Jones, the Council’s head of HR and Events. “Gina from accounts floated the idea of buying a few pills and heading down Fabric and everyone seemed well up for it. It’ll be nice to get messy, I think it’s a great idea, we can take some of our key clients too.”
“Working in local authority we get everything paid for,” continued Leroy. “I think we’ll have a few pre-drinks and do a few balloons in our offices, order a shit load of ketamine, MDMA, pills and weed and then head down to Fabric for midnight. Hopefully they’ll be over that little incident from earlier in the year and stick us all on the guest list.”
Wunderground spoke with Tommy Wood, who looks after Fabric’s guest list, “I’m going to tell them they’ll all get in for free and have a free-bar, but then make sure security rejects them at the door,” he laughed.
“What a fucking great revenge that’ll be, having a bunch of drunk council workers, who are coming up on pingers, get rejected entry. Anybody who’s ever experienced getting turned away from a rave knows it’s a major buzzkill. Those cunts deserve to have their Christmas party ruined and I’m going to be the lucky man to do it. I might even go round each and every one of their houses and shit on their Turkey and stuffing too, just for LOLs.”
