“It’s Not Keta-yours It’s Keta-mine” Says Greedy Guy At Party

A man who spent the entirety of a house party taking ketamine by himself has been labeled a “greedy cunt” by fellow party goers.

House owner Alan Reilly has confirmed that the man, who he describes as an “obnoxious cum bucket”, was an unwanted guest at the party and that he only agreed to let him in because he had made it clear that he had “a lot of proper wobble”.

Witnesses have stated that upon his arrival the man produced what appeared to be a large bag of a white powder from his pocket and began to make lines on a disused Human Traffic DVD box. Brian Peters, a fellow guest, explained the situation, “I was just standing around in the kitchen, as you do at parties, when this guy came in flashing a big bag of drugs.”

“He sat down at the table so naturally I went over and sat down beside him and started to make smalltalk with him to to see if I could get some of whatever it was he had,” recounted Mr. Peters wishfully. “When I seen him put out three big lines I thought it was my lucky day but the greedy cunt snorted them all himself one after the other, he was sniffing like a stray dog in an ass factory.”

“After that he was totally incoherent for the next hour or so. I thought maybe he just wanted to catch up with everyone else at the party so I decided to ask him if I could have a bit when he came around,” he continued, “but I guess he just doesn’t like sharing because all he said was ‘now, now, now, it’s not keta-yours, it’s keta-mine’ and burst out laughing.”

“He was a total prick but we had the last laugh, next time he was k-holing me and my mate Steve drew a massive cock on his forehead,” joked Peters. “He was walking around with it all night and couldn’t understand why everyone was saying ‘alright dickhead’ to him. It was dead funny, I guess karma’s a dish best served with a permanent marker,” he added.

It is understood the man left the party alone after failing to find someone to split his taxi fare with, despite living in close proximity to a number of other people at the party.