A support DJ was roughly removed from the stage of Manchester nightclub Sound Control this weekend after becoming jealous of the headline DJ and playing what punters have described as “an unnecessarily banging set” in direct opposition to his warm up duties.
The spat between the two local disc jocks is believed to have originated over an argument about which of them had the nicest, most intricate, full sleeve tattoo – the answer to which would have not only decided who had the best fashionable arm but also, naturally, would have determined which of them was the better DJ.
Paul, the aggrieved support DJ, maintained that his full sleeve tattoo of a turtle dove alighting onto a crossfader on which was inscribed the acronym PLUR (Peace, love, unity, respect) was indicative of the peaceful and all encompassing nature of dance music while David’s tattoo featuring a smiley face eating a variety of famous ecstasy pills like Mitsubishi and Doves perfectly encapsulated the edgier, more druggy and underground origins of the dance music industry and was itself more deserving of having him declared the best DJ.
“They simply couldn’t decide,” claimed witness Carol Blake, a regular punter and dance music tattoo expert who herself has a tattoo of the Cream logo on her left tit or breast. “The vote was evenly split so in the end they settled the dispute in the traditional DJ way, by seeing who had the most professional Facebook fan page.”
“Paul with his moody, sepia tinted press shot of himself wearing headphones and a furrowed brow plus 237 Facebook fans,” continued Carol, “narrowly lost out to David’s 600 plus fans and his inclusion of numerous support slot flyers including one for Seb Fontaine from 2005.”
“He also had a tasteful press shot of himself, arms crossed, leaning against a graffiti laden wall with one foot casually propped against the wall, beside which was a record box featuring used looking scuffiness and label stickers,” added Carol. “In the end, I think that’s what swung the argument back in his favour.”
According to Carol, the decision to declare David the better DJ based on his tattoo and tasteful Facebook profile photo decided which of the two former friends would take the headline slot.
“It was a bitter pill for Paul to swallow,” claimed Carol, who said it was especially difficult because swallowing bitter pills was something he was quite used to having a steady weekend ecstasy habit. “He tried to say he was better at mixing and track selection but nobody present felt that was in the slightest bit important.”
Reports suggest that Paul angrily took to the stage and rather than playing the traditional warm up set, designed to get the crowd going without blowing the roof off the place, Paul blew the roof off the place.
“Paul was devo,” explained Carol, using the popular abbreviation of the word ‘devastated’ and thus amplifying how devastated Paul was. “From the word go he was banging the shit out of it with no thought to support DJ tradition. There was no way anyone, never mind David, could follow the sheer banging-ness of the set.”
Paul was pulled off the stage before his warm up slot ended when staff realised what he was doing and was ejected angrily from the nightclub plus given a ban from ever playing there again.
“It was a total betrayal of DJ etiquette,” declared an angry David who says that he couldn’t follow Paul’s set because his USB had been filled with precisely the same Beatport bangers that Paul had played. “It’s like firing in a duel before your opponent has stepped his ten paces. A shot in the back that left everyone present with no choice but to end the night early and be given refunds.”
The nightclub issued a statement saying that from now on support DJs would be vetted before their sets to make sure that their intended playlist was acceptable warm up music and wouldn’t outshine the headliner or make the night peak too early.
