Our lord and savior, Jesus Christ, has apparently started to spam people on Facebook by sending event invitations for his birthday, which coincidentally falls on Christmas day.
“Jesus is a real head wrecker,” claimed one recipient of an unwanted event invite. “You hear nothing from the cunt all year then it hits the last week in November and you suddenly get inundated with event invites to his birthday.”
“The stupid thing is it’s on Christmas day and the party’s in a church. There’s no way I’m going to give up Christmas day at home with my family to go and hang out in a church with some pasty Middle Eastern bloke who’s over two thousand years old,” continued the disgruntled Facebook user. “I don’t even like hanging out with my Nan and she’s only in her fifties.”
According to Facebook staff, Jesus of Nazareth has currently sent out over two hundred million invites but claims that his work will not be finished until he has sent one to all of Facebook’s 1.23 billion users.
“I don’t discriminate when it comes to my birthday,” explained Jesus earlier today. “It’s an open invite to everyone on the planet regardless of race, religion or nationality, everyone’s invited, apart from the Jews, they sold me out, I’m still a bit bitter about that to be honest with you.”
Reports from heaven indicate that Jesus could be in for some trouble when it comes to sending the remainder of his planned invites after the head of christendom’s account was blocked under the terms of the “real name policy”.
“We’ve asked Jesus to supply us with evidence that his current Facebook user name is in fact his real name,” revealed Facebook spokesperson Peter Perterson. “We’re not convinced that ‘of Nazareth’ is a genuine surname so until he either proves that it is or changes it accordingly he’ll be locked out of his account.”
Jesus commented on his current Facebook hiatus, “It’s a real pain in the bollox. They’re asking me to show a valid driver’s license or passport but I’m not a man, I’m a universe creating, transcendental deity who’s his own dad. Do you know how much of a hassle that is when filling out forms? A lot, so I just never bother with them. Facebook would want to get my profile back online or there’ll be a plague on their horizon.”
