Brazilian electronic music producer Gui Boratto has made the audacious claim that, despite his nationality, he is not brilliant at football.
The news comes as a massive shock to the entire world, with common belief being that everyone born in Brazil is naturally gifted at the beautiful game. Boratto made the claim after receiving a flurry of tweets following Brazil’s stuttering performance in the opening game of the 2014 World Cup against Croatia, which they eventually won by three goals to one.
Boratto explained the situation to Wunderground earlier today, “Last night I was working in the studio when my Twitter feed started going crazy with people saying things like ‘Brazil could have done with you out there tonight’ or ‘you’re way better than Fred, can’t believe you didn’t make the squad'”.
“To be honest I didn’t even know what they were talking about at first,” he added, “but when I figured it out I had to agree that yes, I am way better than Fred.”
“Just because I’m Brazilian people automatically think I’m a big football fan and a brilliant footballer but it’s just not true, I’ don’t really even like football that much,” he shockingly admitted, “I mean sure, I’m still way better at football than most Europeans but when compared to other Brazilians I’m distinctly average.”
Boratto claims to have only had one trial for a professional football club, significantly lower than the Brazilian national average of four, before concentrating on a career in music production.
“After my trials with Sao Paulo I knew football wasn’t for me so I disassociated myself from it entirely and devoted myself to music,” he explained. “So when people assume that I am an amazing footballer it’s a painful reminder of my past failures. Like having a bad tattoo or a large hard house vinyl collection,” he added.
“I also hate the idea of national stereotypes, it really makes my blood boil to think that people are being classified and profiled based on nothing apart from the geographical location of where they were born, “he continued angrily, “and Irish guys like you are always doing it, you drunk fucks, haven’t you got a potato garden that you need to attend to?”
Boratto also revealed that he plans to regularly update his social media pages with posts about science-fiction, video games, modified cars and cats in an attempt to further distance himself from football.
yes it does
I literally just can’t take any article you write seriously.