Canadian pop princess, Justin Bieber has announced that he is set to embark on his DJing career under the name B===D.
Bieber, who has been receiving DJ lessons from Skrillex and Diplo for the last twelve weeks, believes that a “catchy name that makes no sense” was the last thing he needed to add to his arsenal before taking the EDM world by storm.
“When you look at some of the biggest DJs in the world right now it’s pretty clear that a good name is way more important than actually being able to DJ,” claimed Bieber in a recent interview with Wunderground, “Look at guys like Diplo, Avicii, Hardwell, Aleeso, Axwell and David Guetta and ask yourself ‘what have all these guys got in common?’, it’s not that they’re all world class DJs and prolific record producers, it’s that they all have stupid random words that don’t really make any sense as their names.”
“I knew that a meaningless name was all that I needed to really take the EDM world by the scruff of the neck, continued Bieber. “I’ve already got a massive fan base, who’ll clearly swallow any pathetic shit I fling at them, and with a couple more tattoos I’ll definitely have the look, all I need to do now is make some tunes and ghostwriters are easier to find than fast food restaurants in America at the moment so that definitely won’t be a problem.”
When asked about the similarities between his new DJ name and an erect penis, Bieber became physically flustered and took a much more defensive stance.
“What do you mean it looks like a dick? It looks nothing like a dick,” argued a clearly angry Bieber. “There’s three equals marks in there, I’ve never seen a dick big enough to have three equals marks, and I’ve seen a lot of dicks, maybe if there was one equals mark it would look like a dick, like my dick, but, as it is, it’s clearly something completely different.”
“I’ll break it down for you,” continued the irked Canadian. “The B at the start obviously stands for Bieber and the D at the end represents the word dance. You follow? The three equals signs in the middle show that Bieber is going to be something you associate with dancing, it’s all very simple. Any similarities between that name and a cock are completely coincidental.”
According to sources close to Bieber, the star had been considering adding three hyphens to the end of his name, calling himself B===D – – -, however this was turned down by his management who foreseen problems when creating a Twitter handle.
